Eps. 18: Why did I get married???
Ever wonder what made you look at your partner and realize, "This is the one"?
In this episode of Brutiful Marriage, we’re answering the big question: Why did we get married? From checklist expectations vs. reality to the little moments of genuine connection, respect, and family values that sealed the deal, we share the raw, funny, and honest reasons we chose forever together.
Ladies, we’re also talking about "the list"—and why the right person might show up in a completely different package than you expected!
In this episode, we talk about:
The emotional journey of becoming first-time parents
The reality of an emergency C-section and feeling protected through the chaos
Postpartum vulnerability: Body changes, mirrors, and mesh underwear
Advice to husbands on affirming and supporting your wife after birth
How weathering childbirth deepened our connection and love
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FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
How do you know if someone is the right person to marry?
The right person is rarely the person who checks every box on your list. More often, they're the person whose character, values, faith, and vision for life align with yours in ways that matter long after attraction changes and circumstances shift.
In Episode 18, Doc and Crystal discuss how what initially seemed important became much less important than being seen, respected, valued, and supported by someone who shared the same core priorities. Sometimes the right person looks different than you expected but gives you exactly what you need.
Should I have a checklist for a future spouse?
A checklist can be helpful if it focuses on character, values, faith, communication, and life goals. It becomes dangerous when it is based entirely on preferences, appearances, status, or unrealistic expectations.
Many people spend so much time looking for perfection that they overlook compatibility, kindness, emotional maturity, and shared purpose. A checklist should help you recognize healthy qualities, not eliminate good people.
Can you build a successful marriage if you are very different?
Yes. Some differences create balance. Others create friction that encourages growth. The goal is not to find someone exactly like you but someone whose differences you can respect and whose values you can trust.
In healthy marriages, couples often discover that the very qualities that once irritated them eventually become the qualities they appreciate most.
How important are shared values in marriage?
Shared values affect nearly everything in a relationship.
How you spend money. How you raise children. How you handle conflict. How you approach faith. How you define success.
Couples do not have to agree on every preference, but alignment on core values creates stability when life becomes difficult.
Is physical attraction enough to sustain a marriage?
No. Physical attraction matters, but attraction alone cannot carry a relationship through sickness, financial challenges, parenting stress, grief, disappointment, or personal growth.
At some point, every marriage must answer a deeper question:
"Do I genuinely love the person inside the body?"
Long-term relationships thrive when attraction is supported by friendship, trust, respect, and emotional connection.
What qualities matter most when choosing a spouse?
While every person is different, some qualities consistently support healthy relationships:
Integrity
Kindness
Emotional maturity
Consistency
Accountability
Faith
Communication
Shared life goals
Willingness to grow
Character will take you further than chemistry alone ever could.
Why do people overlook good partners?
Sometimes the partner we need doesn't match the image we've created in our minds.
We may be looking for a type, a look, a career path, a personality style, or a fantasy version of marriage. When we become too attached to our expectations, we can miss the person standing right in front of us.
The challenge is learning the difference between a preference and a requirement.
What does it mean to feel seen in a relationship?
Feeling seen means being known beyond your accomplishments, appearance, or role.
It is the experience of someone noticing your fears, dreams, insecurities, strengths, and needs and choosing to love you anyway.
Many people enter relationships looking to be admired. What they actually need is to be understood.
Why is friendship important in marriage?
Friendship creates the foundation that romance stands on.
Attraction may start a relationship, but friendship helps it survive hard seasons. Friends enjoy each other, encourage each other, laugh together, and genuinely care about one another's well-being.
The strongest marriages often look a lot like best friends who decided to build a life together.
Should I marry someone who shares my faith?
For people of faith, spiritual alignment can become one of the most important parts of a marriage.
Faith influences values, decision-making, priorities, parenting, forgiveness, and purpose. While every relationship is unique, couples who share a spiritual foundation often find themselves navigating life's challenges from a similar worldview.
What if my spouse wasn't what I originally expected?
That may be one of the greatest blessings of your life.
Many successful marriages begin with one person realizing that what they thought they wanted and what they actually needed were not the same thing.
The right partner often expands your perspective, challenges your assumptions, and helps you become a better version of yourself.
Can a person be "marriage material" even if they aren't perfect?
Absolutely. Marriage is not about finding a perfect person. It is about choosing someone who is willing to grow, communicate, learn, apologize, forgive, and build alongside you.
Nobody arrives fully formed. The question is not whether a person has flaws. The question is whether they possess the character necessary to navigate those flaws together.
How do I stop chasing an unrealistic version of love?
Start by asking yourself whether your expectations are preparing you for marriage or protecting you from it.
Healthy love is often less dramatic than people expect. It is built through consistency, trust, sacrifice, friendship, communication, vulnerability, and commitment.
The person who changes your life may not arrive looking like the person you imagined. But they may show up carrying exactly what your future needs.
What is the biggest takeaway from Episode 18?
The biggest takeaway is that choosing a spouse is less about finding someone who checks every box and more about recognizing someone whose character, values, and heart align with the life you want to build.
Sometimes God answers your prayer for the right person by sending someone who doesn't fit your plan at all.
And sometimes that's exactly the point.
FULL TRANSCRIPT
00:00 So my husband has asked this question. apparently fairly often and I was like. oh. well not fairly often but lately I don't. know why lately. Lately I don't know. why. Okay so what's question? It's a movie. Okay. Why did I get married? And to me look honestly it's a simple. question. I mean it's a simple answer. for me and why I got married. well after I thought about it and I was. like okay well I like her. She's a. looker.
00:30 She's easy on the eyes. Okay. So, that was that was a bonus. But no,. honestly, truth be told, like after we. started dating for a while and you know,. I got to meet your mom, met your. brothers, me meeting me meeting your. whole family, it made me realize like. this is the woman I can marry cuz like. she has morals. More importantly, she. believes in the Lord. we had a lot. in common. I know you wanted kids. I. know I wanted kids. And so, and I've. always just wanted a family, for the. most part. And it was, you know,.
01:00 women do a lot of the talking, but the. times I did talk, you listen. And the thing is, and you're also like,. you're a fixer. I am a fixer. And I had to get used to that. you're naturally a fixer. And I. I knew I needed to fix it. So that I'll be honest. So that. helped. That helped. So it's not this. long answer. Oh, I looked into your eyes. and. you look into my eyes.
01:30 I knew you was the one. It was like, no,. it was very simple to me. Like it was it. was it was like, you know, if I had a. checklist, you checked all the boxes. So, one of the funny things about us. getting married, right, I knew I wanted. to be married. I wanted a family. And he. got me with this Colgate smile. I'm not going to even lie. That's what. was like, "Oh my gosh." And then,. you listened. you were a really good. listener and you answered all my. questions about football during. commercials and that was really. important cuz like I talk a lot and.
02:00 I feel like you. were genuinely interested in me. and not just on like because I was. cute, right? It was like you actually. were like listening to the words that. were coming out of my mouth and you were. like, you know, and that sounds like a. novel concept, but for a girl who has. been cheated on in her prior life by. every dude in the history of the world,. like it's like I had never been seen in.
02:30 that way, you know, like opening my door. and bringing me flowers and bringing my. mom flowers and. I did do that. Yeah. Yeah. and like you know calling to. make sure I made it home safe and just. it was just so gentlemanly. So I knew. that I wanted to marry you because you. gave me an experience that I had never. had before and it I felt like it was. coming from your heart. the thing that y'all don't know is.
03:00 that I had a list and he was the. opposite of everything on my list. I was. like I'm not marrying an athlete. I'm. not marrying nobody Greek. He got to be. at least like two maybe three years. older than me, not more than that. Like. he needs to be, you know, this tall. And. I didn't he was like. none of those criterias. None of it. So ladies, check your. list. Pay attention to the person and. not the list. I mean, list is important,.
03:30 but he came in a whole different package. and it was the best decision that I. could have made. So, I'm glad that. you got me. Me, too. I'm glad you said yes. You had to say yes. I did. I did. Yeah. Like, yeah. Very simple question. Like, you know, it was simple for me. Like, why? That's why I got married. That's why I chose to get down on one. knee cuz you checked a box I didn't. know that needed to be checked. And I will say the reason that I've. stayed married has been proven over and.
04:00 over and over again. And I think the. next time that we get on we should talk. about. How have we stayed. how we stayed married? Especially no. after kids. after the first kid. That's going to be. our next topic. After the first kid, we got to talk. about that because. that. just hold on next week.
