Episode Overview

Every marriage eventually develops a list of things one spouse would really rather the other person just...not do. In Things You Don’t Let Your Spouse Do, Doc and Crystal compare their completely reasonable and absolutely ridiculous household rules, from driving and department-store supervision to towels, laundry, grocery shopping, decorating, and who gets final authority over the house fragrances. Beneath the laughter is a familiar marriage truth: sometimes knowing your spouse means recognizing their strengths, surrendering a few battles, dividing responsibilities differently, and admitting that your preference is occasionally just that, a preference.

What We Get Into

• Why Doc strongly prefers to drive when he and Crystal are together

• Crystal's lifelong campaign against thin, scratchy, nonmatching towels

• Why certain department stores apparently require adult supervision

• The laundry system Doc refuses to entrust to Crystal

• Cooking versus merely “fixing” food

• Why vegetables are now a condition of grocery-shopping privileges

• Decorating, fragrances, and the details each spouse cares about differently

• How couples develop household rules around strengths, preferences, and quirks

• Knowing when to stop fighting the battle and simply divide the responsibility

• Laughing at the ridiculous parts of knowing somebody for 20-plus years

CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION

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Frequently Asked Questions

Is it healthy to tell your spouse they cannot do certain things?

It depends on what “cannot” means. A playful preference or mutually agreed division of responsibility is very different from restricting a spouse's independence or controlling normal choices. Healthy couples can negotiate who handles certain responsibilities while leaving both people's dignity and agency intact.

How can couples handle different household preferences?

Start by separating actual outcomes from preferred methods. If both approaches accomplish the task safely and responsibly, the disagreement may be about preference rather than right and wrong. If one person cares intensely about the method, sometimes the simplest solution is for that person to own the task.

Is dividing chores based on strengths a bad thing?

No. Household responsibilities do not have to be divided identically to be fair. Couples can divide tasks according to skill, preference, schedule, or tolerance, as long as both people agree that the overall arrangement feels reasonable.

When does a preference become controlling?

A preference becomes more concerning when one spouse's wishes consistently override the other person's autonomy, voice, relationships, finances, or basic freedom. “Please let me handle the towels because I care deeply about towels” is fundamentally different from controlling another adult's legitimate choices.

Can humor help with small marriage disagreements?

Yes, when both spouses are laughing and neither person's dignity is the punchline. Episode 39 demonstrates how couples can acknowledge long-running differences without treating every quirk like evidence of a relationship problem.

Transcript

Today we’re talking about the things we don’t let our spouse do.

Yeah. Things we just don’t want our spouses to do.

Apparently, you’ve got a long list too.

Do I?

What’s considered long?

Well, why don’t you start us off?

One thing I just don’t allow her to do, or refuse to let her do if I’m there, is drive.

Which, you know, I can’t say that I’m opposed to not driving. But it’s more about why you don’t want me to drive.

Didn’t think you were going to ask that part.

Really? Come on.

I mean, I feel like the people, our family now, they know. Your foot is heavy. You have a lead foot, and you drive at a high rate of speed.

And you drive like Miss Daisy.

And guess what? Miss Daisy ain’t never got a ticket.

You’ve had a ticket before.

Not for speeding.

But why does my speeding bother you?

Because...

Why does my expeditious travel bother you?

Because I’m sitting over there tense. I don’t have control.

That is what it is.

Control.

Because if we’re going to wreck, I need to have something to do with it. If we wreck because you’re over there switching lanes like a NASCAR driver, I have a problem with that.

Okay, so he has control issues, everyone.

That is not what I said.

Okay.

You know what I don’t let you do? I refuse to let you buy towels.

Okay.

Look.

It’s a towel.

It’s a towel, but y’all, these towels be feeling like... First of all, they’re paper thin.

No, they’re going to get the water off.

Nope. Second of all, they’re the kind of towels that you hold up to the light and you can see through them.

They are not. They dry.

They’re scratchy. They feel like sandpaper. And they don’t match.

That’s a problem.

This matching thing... Who’s going to see the towels you dry your body off with?

Our guests.

No, they don’t. You think guests are coming in saying, “Ooh, their towels don’t match”?

I want y’all to tell us in the comments if you care about the color of the towels, or if you notice the towels in houses you visit.

Who are you talking to?

I’m talking to anybody who has been a guest in somebody’s house and had to use a towel.

You pay attention to how well they absorb water. You pay attention to whether they leave those little fuzzy things on you. You pay attention to whether they’re absorbent.

Okay. You must be going to somebody’s house like, “Guess what? Their towels didn’t match. I bet they didn’t even dry either.”

I’m not saying that. I’m not judging anybody else’s towels.

But I pay attention to little things. Those little things make a difference. And you don’t care about them.

Okay, well, that’s why you refuse to let me do it.

Yes.

Just like I refuse to leave you alone in certain department stores.

Come on, man.

Unsupervised.

Even our daughter knows. She’s said, “You let Mommy go by herself?”

I am offended.

No, because you don’t have any restraint.

I do have restraint.

You don’t.

Have you seen those videos where the guy literally has his wife on a leash and she tries to wander off and he just kind of pulls her back?

That’s a real thing.

I don’t know what catches your attention, but you are going to wander in these department stores.

So, these department stores he’s talking about are not Sears, Mervyn’s, or Foley’s.

None of those stores exist.

Did you just say Sears?

I sure did.

Mervyn’s?

I’m showing my age.

Wow.

I’m talking about TJ Maxx. I’m talking about Marshalls.

Problem.

HomeGoods.

Problem.

Ross.

Problem.

All of them. Problem.

Again, I refuse.

There are beautiful things in those stores that I just like to see.

Why is there not a plan?

There is a plan. You just don’t know about it.

That’s the problem.

But you don’t want to go through with my plan.

That’s part of the issue too.

Sometimes we need to replace our Christmas ornaments.

If they’re not broken...

Sometimes you need to refresh the decor in the home.

And that’s why I refuse to let you decorate.

Oh, is that another one?

Yes, it is, because you do not care about the details.

I don’t. At all.

Y’all, he bought some dish towels that were yellow.

And I’m like, “What?”

They’re dish towels. They’re made to clean.

They’re out by the sink!

So people notice it?

Oh my gosh. Are you serious?

I’m so serious. It needs to match the decor of the home.

Okay, sure.

Now, if you want to dry your car off with a towel, I don’t care what color it is.

If you want to change the oil, I don’t care what color that towel is.

But if it’s going to be visible in our home, it needs to match the decor.

Okay.

Well, one thing I refuse to let you do, and I’m going to lose some people on this one...

You can’t do my laundry.

Oh my gosh, y’all!

He is such the laundry police. It is insane.

You would swear I bleached out your favorite black jeans or something.

No. It’s just, you throw it all in.

We have a high-capacity washer!

We have a high-capacity washer and dryer that can fit a lot of stuff. And as long as all the things go together...

Sometimes it’s my workout gear.

I wash your workout gear separately!

If it’s all in the dirty clothes, you’re going to grab the basket and put it in the wash.

You are telling a tall tale in front of all the world.

Y’all, I separate the laundry.

Colors, darks, workout gear, underwear and pajamas, towels, bedding. You have your whites, and you bleach those.

You just don’t like how I do it.

Is that what it is?

You don’t do it any differently. You just wash 5,000 baby loads.

Yeah. It’s got to get clean.

It’s going to get clean. It’s a washing machine.

Sometimes there are too many clothes. They don’t get as clean as I need them to get.

Well, listen. I don’t have to do laundry.

I just do my own laundry. That’s all.

Yes, he does his own laundry.

I stopped fighting that battle because you used to blame me for the little pods that burst on your clothes.

And I’m like, “It’s bursting on everybody’s clothes. It’s not just mine.”

Those are just bad pods.

I’m not going to blame you, though.

I was like, “You can’t do laundry anymore.”

At one point, some shirts got ruined. Kids’ clothes. You were doing a terrible job.

Do you remember that time the kids put crayons in the washing machine?

That’s...

Our clothes came out totally ruined. A whole load of laundry was ruined because there was a blue, red, and yellow crayon.

The rainbow.

The rainbow, just in the washer.

Do you have anything else? Is that the only thing you refuse to let me do?

I don’t know. Let me consult my list because I have a list.

I think that you should not be able to...

Ooh. I don’t let you grocery shop.

Yeah, and I don’t know why.

I’ve been eating my whole life and been okay. I know how to fend for food.

But you don’t get food that is cooked.

There’s a difference between cooking food and fixing food.

When you fix food, it’s like opening up a box, putting it in a pan, and turning on the heat.

When you cook food, you’re actually slicing vegetables and using seasoning and green leafy vegetables.

And I think you’re allergic to green leafy vegetables.

Everything you buy is white, or a potato, or cheese.

It’s edible.

But it’s not healthy. It’s not a balanced meal.

I’ve been surviving.

Yeah, but we’re not in survival mode anymore. We’re thriving.

I know, but I don’t know why y’all won’t let me grocery shop. We’re going to be fine.

I will concede, though. You don’t mind going to the grocery store.

No. I’ll go.

I am very allergic to...

You are allergic to grocery stores.

There’s just something about it. I’m like, “I need to do it all on my phone and get it delivered.”

So if I go, I should get what we need then.

If you get some vegetables, I will let you go.

If you go to the produce section and bring back some vegetables, I will let you go to the grocery store.

Okay.

And if you cook them, I might even do something else.

Clearly I only know how to fix. I don’t know how to cook. I just fix stuff.

What you got on me then?

You know what? I think one is kind of... Again, I’m probably going to lose some people on this one.

What, are we keeping score?

No.

I mean, it’s always a competition.

You know how I feel about my air fresheners and fragrances.

Which is weird because you’re good about picking out my cologne.

I’m excellent.

Yeah. You do good with cologne. My smell-good.

But when it comes to the house fresheners and smell-good stuff?

Nah. That’s all me.

We don’t have the same nose.

No.

I don’t know what has a really good nose.

A dog?

I don’t know.

But if I try to get fabric softener, laundry detergent, plug-ins, or room spray...

I pick it.

He’s like, “Uh-uh. No. No, no. Get that. You’ve got to get this kind.”

And I’m like, “No, I don’t have to get that kind. I have to live, die, and pay taxes.”

It’s important.

But you like the candles I buy.

Yeah. You do good on the candles.

The candles smell good.

Yeah, but it’s a little different.

If I buy the room spray, candle, and plug-in and they’re all the same, it matches.

We’re 20-plus years in. You’ve gotten better.

You’ve learned my nose.

Thank you.

I’ll say that. You’ve gotten better with the scents.

Okay.

We’ll leave it there.

I don’t know what y’all refuse to let your spouse do.

Clearly, there’s a long list here between us two.

Whatever. My list was longer.

Whatever.

I won.

Anyway, I hope y’all learn how to laugh in the midst of the crazy, because this right here is ridiculous.

It is what it is.

My story, and I’m sticking to it.

Thanks for joining us, y’all.

We’ll see you next time.