Episode Summary

What does nearly six decades of marriage teach you about love, faith, compromise, communication, and commitment? Doc and Crystal sit down with Wallace Singleton and Ingrid Singleton for an honest conversation about the lessons behind 58 years of marriage, including the struggles that challenged them, the communication problems that nearly undermined their relationship, and the commitment that kept calling them back to their vows.

In This Episode, We Discuss

• Faith, love, and compromise in a lasting marriage

• Taking marriage vows seriously through difficult seasons

• How Wallace Singleton and Ingrid Singleton met

• Expectations about marriage versus the reality

• How poor communication created serious struggles in their marriage

• Learning to move forward after disagreements

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Frequently Asked Questions

What advice do Wallace Singleton and Ingrid Singleton give younger married couples?
Their advice includes faith, love, compromise, honoring marriage vows, turning to God during disagreements, and talking through problems rather than abandoning the relationship because conflict occurred.

What helped Wallace Singleton and Ingrid Singleton stay married for 58 years?
The conversation emphasizes taking the marriage commitment seriously, faith, working through trials, and remembering the meaning of the vows they made.

Did they ever struggle in their marriage?
Yes. They openly describe major struggles and say poor communication, not talking about problems, and sulking nearly destroyed their marriage.

Do couples in long marriages still argue?
Wallace Singleton and Ingrid Singleton say they still argue after 58 years. What changed is their ability to bring the disagreement to an end and move forward.

What role does communication play in a lasting marriage?
Their experience demonstrates the consequences of not talking through problems. They specifically identify poor communication and sulking as major contributors to one of the hardest periods of their marriage.

Transcript

Today we’re talking about the keys to a long-term marriage, a long and successful marriage.

And our special guests are none other than my fabulous, wonderful parents, Wallace and Ingrid Singleton.

Hey, y’all.

Hi.

Hey there.

We’re super excited to have you on the podcast and thankful that you’re brave enough to let us dig into your business.

One of the questions we get most often is, “How do y’all stay married? What’s the secret sauce?”

For you two to be coming up on 58 years of marriage, that’s a whole lifetime for some people.

We just want to throw some questions at you, learn from you, and hear what you have to say.

Sounds great.

All right. I’ll go first.

What advice would you give to younger couples today?

First of all, I would say they must have faith, and they should love each other very much.

Faith in one another and faith in the process.

They should also be able to compromise. Very important.

Compromise.

What about you?

I think every married couple takes a vow, and that vow should be honored.

When you get into disagreements, go to God to help you figure it out. Don’t rely only on yourself, because sometimes that just doesn’t work.

You have to ask the Lord to get you through some of the things young married couples go through.

An argument can start in an instant and end in a divorce. Sometimes people don’t take the time to ask God to help them through it.

And to talk about it, right?

Just because you had a disagreement doesn’t mean you have to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Poor baby just getting tossed out.

Don’t do that.

When you first got married, did you think you were too young? And how do you think about that now?

I think I was a little too young. I didn’t think that at the time, but now I do because I didn’t give myself much opportunity to experience life.

I met Wallace, we got engaged, and the next thing we knew, we were married. We didn’t know each other the way we know each other now, and I hadn’t experienced as much life as he had.

How did y’all meet?

I had a fraternity brother who was in medical school while Ingrid and her best friend were in nursing school.

They were coming from Galveston to Houston for a football game, and I think my fraternity brother was trying to get rid of Ingrid because he wanted to spend some time with his girlfriend.

He knew about me, so he introduced her to me.

And that’s how it happened.

And you were like, “Ooh, jackpot.”

Well, I was not in a position to be very presentable at the time. I was changing the oil on my ’65 Mustang.

I remember thinking, Is this who he brought me to meet?

Oily, dirty, and under the hood of his car.

But that evening changed everything.

We went to the football game, and he cleaned up really well.

He had his suit on and his white turtleneck sweater. He was smelling good, and I thought, “Well, I guess he might do.”

Swag.

All right, Daddy. I’m not mad at you.

When did you realize you might have found the one?

I graduated when I was 22, and I think we got married when I was 28. I had experienced a lot of life and knew what I wanted.

When I saw it, I realized this was possibly the one I needed.

I like it.

I thought he was good-looking and smart, and apparently he knew how to work on his car because I didn’t know much about cars.

We had a nice first date. I didn’t immediately know he would be “the one,” but I was impressed.

What did you think marriage would be like back then, and how did reality compare?

I thought marriage was supposed to be a great thing.

I didn’t think much about problems because we loved each other. I assumed everything was supposed to be smooth.

I found out a little differently as time passed.

Today, many couples are individually independent. They’re professionals. Many have good incomes.

Because of that, sometimes people feel they don’t need their spouse as much. They think, “I can do without him or her. I can do this on my own.”

And then they walk away.

So what keeps you there?

I took marriage very seriously when I said, “I do.”

I believed marriage was something very special. Two people who love each other should work through whatever trials and tribulations they have.

I grew up in a single-parent home, and I thought it would be very important, when we decided to have children, to have two parents in the home.

My vows were, “I do, till death do us part.”

And I kept thinking about that.

Have you ever almost given up? What helped you stay together?

Many times.

To be honest, we had some major struggles.

The struggles were largely rooted in bad communication.

We didn’t talk about things. We sulked about them instead.

That almost destroyed us.

When you don’t talk about things, you go through toxic experiences. That happened to us for a long time.

At one point things were so bad and we argued so much that I would say, “Why don’t we just have the argument early today, get it over with, and then go on about our day?”

It was that bad.

But a lot changed.

After 58 years, we still argue.

But now we manage to end it, maybe not the same day, but by the next day, and move forward.

Because I know there is nobody else I would rather live my life with.

He’s a good husband, a good provider, and a good father. Those were three major things I wanted in a marriage.

Longevity is important too.

As we live our lives, we set examples. We don’t live only for ourselves.

We’ve been blessed with three children, and we’re very proud of them.

One happens to be sitting right here today.

We wanted to set an example that if we could make it through our problems, trials, and struggles, they could too.

We absolutely see your example.

When we think about what we want to be when we grow up, we want to still be married. We want to still be together. We want to be healthy.

We look at you and see a walking example of that.

What was the hardest season in your marriage, and how did you get through it?

In our 57th year, we went through a series of illnesses in the family.

Our oldest son went through several surgeries. Ingrid had to undergo heart monitoring and implants, and I had radiation therapy for prostate cancer.

It all happened at the same time.

That was stressful.

But we give God all the praise for bringing us through.

It became a family experience. Everyone in the family was going through it with us, and I think that helped us get through.

Our son Mark, his wife, our granddaughter, and our grandson were there.

We had best friends who came over, brought food, and called every day.

I never felt completely alone.

Community.

That’s right.

Our children have never let us down. They’ve always been there.

And we’re blessed to have Doc as part of the family because he’s just like a son to us now.

That’s me, y’all. I’m Doc.

What has been one of your proudest moments as a couple?

There have been several.

The births of each of our three children.

We couldn’t compare them. They were all great.

Ten years after Mark and Steve, we had Crystal.

We prayed for a little girl.

I had the boys praying at the dinner table every day for a baby sister, not another boy.

And she turned out to be the best little girl in the whole wide world.

And she talked as much then as she does now.

She started talking when she was two and never stopped.

Well, now y’all know I’m operating in my natural God-given gift.

That’s a God-given talent.

We were proud then, and we’re still proud today, even more so.

How would you say you’ve changed as individuals during your marriage?

We’re all products of our environment.

I grew up in a time when television, telephones, computers, and central air weren’t readily available.

I learned to grow and adapt, and that has been my life.

Growing and adapting.

Never stop growing.

I grew up in a similar environment with a single mom, but I was very idealistic about my expectations.

Wallace has always told me that sometimes I live in a dream world and not in reality.

Well, my dreams have come true.

I grew up in a one-bedroom house, and now I have a beautiful home, a nice car to drive, a family that loves me, and a deep appreciation for God being in my life.

What do you admire most about each other today?

What I admire most about Ingrid is that she is loving and giving. She has a deep faith, and she is still a beautiful lady.

I think she’s cute.

Just gorgeous as she wants to be.

The things I admire about Wallace are his determination, his strength, his ability to speak his mind no matter what, and the fact that he has been a very good father, provider, and husband.

If I could ask for more of anything from him, it would probably be a little more compassion.

Other than that, those are the things I admire about him.

I didn’t realize early on that Ingrid was insecure when I met her.

I would like to see her become more secure and believe, “I can do it.”

I’ve thought about what I could do to help her become more secure. I’m not exactly sure, but I’m willing to work on it.

I could answer that for him. If he had a little more humility and compassion, that would change everything.

You’re saying insecurity. She’s asking for compassion and humility. On her side, it’s confidence.

Confidence.

She calls it arrogance on my part.

I call it confidence.

Two sides of every coin.

One of the things to remember about marriage is that you aren’t supposed to be the same person.

You should complement one another.

Where one person has a weakness, the other may bring strength and balance.

Doc, what would you say you’ve wanted from me?

Patience.

And I’ll say within the last year, you’ve allowed me to take on more of the masculine role. You’ve stepped back enough to allow me to lead.

And I would say something similar for you. Your follow-through has gotten much better.

Your individual drive has grown too. You’re always searching for better rather than becoming complacent.

Seeing you come into that has been gratifying.

It makes me proud of you, and it makes me proud to be your wife.

Hopefully, it helps us add some years like y’all have.

We’re chasing greatness right now.

Last question: What do you have to say about marriage and legacy?

We are the legacy.

We’ve endured 58 years of ups and downs.

We have three children we’re very proud of and five grandchildren from those three.

We hope others our age can say some of the same things, that they’re leaving a legacy of ups and downs, trials and tribulations, but we didn’t give up on each other.

I would say something similar.

For the most part, you aren’t promised a rose garden.

If you believe marriage will always be easy, you’re in for a lot of ups and downs.

Marriage requires compromise.

There is no way you can make it otherwise.

One individual in the marriage should complement the other.

You just can’t have it your way.

A lot of times, one partner doesn’t want to give in. One person wants to control everything.

I understand that because I’ve been accused of it.

But I’m the kind of person who believes I will always give in to an idea or thought if I can see the end result.

If you can show me your thought process and I believe in the outcome, I’m with you.

If you can’t, I’m not.

Well, I think y’all are amazing.

I’m grateful that you shared your brain wrinkles and wisdom with us.

My prayer is that your testimony and experience encourage people who are married, want to be married, are about to be married, or are thinking about marriage.

It’s not all sunshine and sprinkles.

But the intangible things you experience through marriage are powerful, rich, and almost indescribable.

It’s difficult to put into words what your spouse means to you or what the institution of marriage means to you.

But you can see it.

Thank you for being an example and a mirror for everybody else.

I’m glad to be here. I’m glad you invited us. I enjoyed it.

Good.

All right, y’all. Until next time.

Peace