Eps. 12: You’re…right.
Episode Description
Why can sound advice feel easier to receive from a friend than from the person who knows you best? Doc and Crystal explore defensiveness, constructive criticism, tone, humility, and the relational power of simply acknowledging, “You’re right.”
What We Get Into in This Episode
Why spousal advice can trigger defensiveness
Hearing the same message differently from a friend
Receiving constructive criticism without shutting down
Trusting your spouse’s positive intent
The humility required to say “You’re right”
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
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Frequently Asked Questions
Why is it difficult to admit that my spouse is right?
Familiarity, pride, old arguments, and the feeling of being criticized can make worthwhile advice harder to receive from the person closest to us.
Why do I accept advice from friends but reject the same advice from my spouse?
A friend may feel neutral, while a spouse’s words can become tangled with shared history and previous disagreements.
How can I receive constructive criticism from my spouse?
Evaluate the current message on its own, look for the truth in it, and remember that a loving spouse may genuinely want the best for you.
Full Transcript
We ain't going to tell y'all how much we had to go through to get here today. Struggle was real. Struggle was real. So, hey, what's up y'all? What's up? What's up? What's up? Hope you had a good week. Why you looking me at the corner of the eye? Cuz cuz why?
I didn't say I just want you to get to the point. Wow, you asked. Okay. Well, anyway, so I'll get to the point since that's what I got to get to. So, y'all, this be real. This what we This ain't no rehearsing. Okay, come on. Come on. We supposed to be talking about today um this unlikely phrase that my husband feels he doesn't hear often from me. Okay.
So, the other night me and my lovely bride was having a conversation. um, and I don't remember the topic of the conversation, but at some point, whatever I said, she turned and said, "You're right." And and let me tell you, look, can we take a a moment of silence for that small break? It caught me off guard. um, and it happens every rarely um that she says you're right. And so it just got me thinking about when it comes to acknowledging when your spouse actually gives you sound advice, sound counsel, do you acknowledge when it happens? I tell you when you write. I do. How often? You got to be right more. Oh man.
What? What? Ever? No. No. No. Because Because whenever I hear you on the phone with one of your friends, it is it is a Oh, girl. Yeah, that's right. Girl, yeah, you right. You know, I ain't think about that.
Girl, you right. That make a lot of sense. Girl, you right. And I'm sitting in the background like, I just said the same thing. Hey, so how come we don't be hearing each other when we saying the same thing? But when your best friend says something or your homeboy say something, it's like, "Oh my gosh, epiphany. The sun has come out. The birds are chirping. The unicorns are prancing in the distance because we don't want to be like you know me and you and you know you can see through me. We are invested in the relationship, right?
So we I He got everything to gain from me being great. I got everything to gain from him being great." Correct. our best friends, they just want us to be great and they have nothing to gain. So why would they lie to us? And it's like, well, this is my best friend for forever, so why would he lie to me? Like above all, like it's just going to make us better. And so being wrapped up in your feelings because your husband says, you know, babe, you was kind of you was kind of out of line back there, but your girlfriend could be like, girl, you was tripping like that. It's the same thing. But I think I think what happens I think we're so used to each other like I mean oh it's always like well you just telling me that because you don't like and I mean that's me that he doesn't do that. No, I don't do that.
But I think even even But you do though, but you just don't do it with the Yeah, I don't I don't have that gene. But yes, but I think we're just so used to each other that when it when it is sound advice, it's just it's it's hard to receive because it's kind of like, yeah, kind of whatever. It's the point is you're supposed to be able to take what your spouse says at face value and know that they want the best for you no matter what's going on. And look, I'm I'm guilty of it, too. So, I can be out with my boys and you can say something and when you say it's kind of like, yeah, she don't know what you're talking about or I'm criticizing or I'm nagging or whatever the thing is. A little naggy on the end. But, you know, maybe that's I got your neg. But maybe that's what it is though. Maybe it's it's it's the it's the extra that make it not validated. The best thing about talking to you about stuff of consequence is is that I know that you want the best for me and and it's like mutual.
Yeah. And so it's like when you're like, you know, you are right. I do need to take care take better care of myself. I do need to slow down and sit down. I do need to um you know check up on such and such or whatever the thing is. um because you see me the most. Yeah. Yeah. Look, your your spouse is not trying to talk you crazy. Ain't trying to say that you don't know what you're talking about.
It ain't got nothing to do with the last 15 times y'all argued about the same three things. It's about this moment in time. And you got to be able to accept constructive criticism from the person who loves you the most. Like, man, facts. Good lord. you have to be able to not get wrapped up in your feelings about something that you probably know is already true. I mean, there's a kernel of truth in everything, right? Like, so what is the despite the neck rolls or the whatever the thing is, the sauce, the nagging, I'm not a nag. I'm just persistent. Right.
You're right. see how that works. It feels so good. It does. Whatever. Just um try to try to be objective um and take your feelings out of it and and know that you're your boo loves you and Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever.
