Eps. 21: But…MY way is better!
Episode Description
Countertops, mail, toilet paper, toothpaste, socks, and missing forks become evidence in the case of “my way is better.” Doc and Crystal laugh through the tiny household differences that can become oversized judgments and ask couples to distinguish ineffective from merely unfamiliar.
What We Get Into in This Episode
How preferences become judgments
The everyday habits couples bring into marriage
Why different does not automatically mean wrong
Choosing flexibility around trivial issues
Assigning tasks based on preference when helpful
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION
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Frequently Asked Questions
Why do small household habits cause big marriage arguments?
A personal preference can quietly become a standard for competence, causing a different method to be interpreted as careless or wrong.
How do I stop micromanaging my spouse?
Ask whether the result truly matters or whether you simply prefer a particular method. If the task is handled responsibly, allow room for difference.
What if my spouse’s way genuinely bothers me?
Discuss whether the issue affects safety, cost, cleanliness, or another shared priority. If it is merely different, consider letting it go or reassigning the task.
Transcript
So today we are talking about um what are we talking about? My way. But my way is better. Your way is better. Yes. My way is better. So you say. Yes. Of course you. So So you say so you say.
And I'm thinking about like you know we talked about triggers. Mhm. Not to say this is a trigger, but you know my way is better. It's just kind of funny. um cuz I know I know there are certain things that we got married Mhm. that I was doing stuff Mhm. things and you thought your way was better. No. [laughter] No.
So like for example, okay, um I clean the countertops by like spraying stuff on them and then wiping them down. And Doc will come and he'll be like, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You got to like dust it off with a paper towel. Then you got to wipe it down. Then you got to then you got to spray it. Then you got to pledge it. And I'm like, it's still g I mean, listen, it's it's no different. you didn't like the way I open my mail. No, cuz you couldn't tell it was open. I'm like, y'all, he would tear the side of the mail so it looked like a complete envelope.
Like like you look like you use a letter opener. Do y'all use letter openers? like and then it would be just a stack of mail and nobody would I be like, "Did you open the mail? Did you look at anything?" Like, but it but it's Look, I think that's just a way to do it. My way is a way to do it. But I think what we end up doing is making it seem like our way is better than the way that someone else is doing it, particularly you. It's not I mean, no, it's not particularly me. Like, you make fun of the way I count. Yeah. Okay.
If I was to ask the average person how they count, I think the average person goes one, two, three, four, whatever, right? How do you count? I go one, two, [laughter] three, four, five. Nobody does that. Nobody. I mean, why? Like 1 2 3 4 5. Okay. Okay.
Okay. One. So, if I say if I say, "How old are you?" Are you going to say, "I'm one." [laughter] You go you gonna say I'm one. You're not going to do that. You going to say you going to say one. Dude, you're not gonna say I'm one. Give a thumbs up. Whatever. [laughter]
It's fine. It's fine. I'm I'm trying to think of other things that Oh, the toilet paper roll, y'all. Um, okay. So, like making sure that it's forward. Now, I'm a convert. Okay. I never really cared how the toilet paper was on the toilet paper roll, but he cared a whole lot. It goes down when you pull down. Whatever.
You never pull from under ever. Why? Those people are weird. [laughter] Who did he just offend? Like the nobody. I hope. Who's Who's pulling it from the bottom or the or the toothpaste? The squeeze from the middle. No.
Oh my. No. Roll it thing on up. Get off. Do you roll it from the bottom? Yes. What if you just squeeze from the bottom? Does it have to be rolled? No, it don't have to be. But if you if you come Explos.
[laughter] If you coming from the middle, we you might get them papers served to you. Oh, that's a [laughter] we not tragic. I'm just saying like who squeezes the toothpaste from the middle. If you squeeze your toothpaste from the middle, I would love to hear from you in the comments your opinions and your ways matter. Or or you pulling if you pulling that toilet paper from the bottom up instead of top down. I don't know. Maybe y'all need to go hang out and talk about, you know, certain things. Oh.
Oh, sugar on what? I was going to say sugar on grits. No, I got But that's not a thing. No, but I got one. Sugar on grits is So, she had an issue with the way who she me you had an issue with the way I put my dirty socks in the laundry. Oh my gosh, y'all. Okay. So, so I believe that you are supposed to put your socks in the laundry basket the way that you take them off, one at a time. And then you put them in the wash and then you put them in the dryer and then you put them back together. No, as mates in, you know, when you're putting doing your laundry.
See, the I hear you. But but the issue with that is I Okay, so look, once I'm done, I ball mine up and I put them in the dirty clothes. Yeah. He ravels them inside each other and then he puts them in the dirty clothes like that. And I'm like, why? So then you have like a lump of socks that's like soggy and wet kind of like the fittest sheet. Never. You know how the fitt sheets eats everything and Yeah. This is fitted sheets. Yeah.
Yes. But if you just undo the sock and put them That's more work. No, because listen, if if you go separately, you going to lose a sock. Well, you going to lose a sock in the laundry basket. No, but you listen, that's how they come up missing. [laughter] That is That is how That is not I don't know where the socks go, but that is because [laughter] because you don't put them at the same time. That's why half my socks is gone. [laughter]
No, but what about the forks? Explain the forks. That's the kids. I ain't going to say y'all be missing forks. [laughter] I know. We not going to We can't go that deep. Anyway, the point is is these are like really trivial things like nobody, you know, nobody should be hopefully getting a divorce or squeezing toothpaste from the middle or or toilet paper rolls or the way to put their socks in the laundry. Um, but the point of the matter is like you do have your own idiosyncrasies and you got to get used to the way that your spouse lives life and does things and it might be crazy making but you kind of got to decide like is it really crazy making or is it just different? Just different and it's just different.
We've decided it's just different. It is just different. And sometimes I just have to close my eyes or I'll say, "Hey, you know what, babe? You do laundry. Don't." And you know what? He doesn't mind. And it is wonderful. I might keep both my socks. Anyways, we will see y'all next time.
